join me on this journey of waiting, praying, writing
and pursuing after God above all
♥
My dearly loved husband,
I remember watching as friends entered into healthy, Christ-centered relationships and not understanding what it was about me that was lacking.
Was it better hair? Better skin? The right perfume? I could find ways to cover up physical flaws. I could spend more time in the morning getting ready.
Was it some kind of charm? Was I lacking in some kind of flirting etiquette? I could read up on things. Maybe consult more friends.
The question loomed: Am I now enough? When will I be enough?
I remember believing that I was not in a relationship yet because I was not godly enough. I believed in this lie that I had to be a perfect woman before being able to be with you. Instead of seeing relationships as a process of sanctification together, where God uses two sinners to continue His work, I saw it as some “happily ever after” that only the godly-enough could experience.
Were other people in a relationship because they were somehow more godly, that they reached this supposed “relationship maturity boiling point” before I did? Not only did I dwell in my own insecurities, but I had somehow created a standard that superseded God’s standard for me.
But, somehow, in the complex and beautiful mathematics of grace – I realized that I am enough. Me (never enough) + God (infinitely enough) = Me (enough).
I am enough because He is infinitely enough. He declares me His perfectly imperfect work in progress, fashioned by His own hands and loved with an immeasurable love.
Who dares to say otherwise?
Continually praying for you,
your future wife
My future husband,
Wherever you are, may you seek Him with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. May the desire to seek after Him be as a deer desires for water, and may you actively and courageously pursue Him every moment of the day.
When you find yourself in the darkest despair, remember.
Remember that your soul’s contentment is found in God. Remember that he protects you under His mighty arms, giving you joy that could only be divine. In this difficult time, choose to remember and put your hope in Him, for only His promises endure. He is our Saviour and our God.
When you find yourself doubting His promises, His works and His love, wrestle with those thoughts. Ask Him. Ask the tough questions. Pour our your heart before Him and know that His heart is for you. His heart breaks for the pain of His children, and yet, somehow, He miraculously redeems these times for His glory. It is all not in vain.
As you face these difficulties and the agony of soul, my dear love, know that you have a Righteous Judge who is watching over you. Why then should we dwell on despair? Choose to put your hope in Him, and look upon Him for salvation. Our God saves.
Love,
your future wife
(Letter based on Psalm 42)
From their blog:
Larissa: “I have a brain injury, just like Ian. Because when we became one flesh, I gained his sorrows. Just as Jesus was a man of sorrows and has shared in them with us, I share them with Ian. And while it is a gift of marriage, it is painful and sad.
We could probably write a whole book on this topic alone. Because it changes everything about our life, even mine. But Jesus knows it more deeply than us, and if we can just rest there, we will be filled.”
My dearly beloved husband,
One of my favourite writers online is Fabs, who once wrote a series called “Singleness Suffering”. In an effort to simultaneously glorify God and appease my longing heart, I sometimes overemphasize the blessings of singleness without being completely honest with God about the state of my heart. The words singleness suffering really struck me tonight as I deal with pain in my life - emotional pain from longing for something more, impatience with God’s timing, and wishing for more than what I have.
If I’m completely honest, I wish for emotional, physical, mental and spiritual intimacy. I want to know and be known by someone so deeply that they know my deepest secrets and greatest dreams. I desire to hold and be held closely; to find myself snuggled safely in the strong arms of the one I love. I want someone with whom I can spend hours talking about the existence of truth or the ethics of transcontinental NGOs. I seek one who is not afraid of godly correction, and one, who, in turn, corrects me and leads my focus back to God.
I want you, my dear husband - my best friend, my greatest earthly love and my companion. And if I’m honest, I want you now.
At this point, I return to my Father’s feet. I ask him difficult questions about why He doesn’t see fit to provide you, now, in my life. Why does He convict me to draw boundaries with my brothers in Christ instead of providing me with you, one with whom I can share my greatest dreams and struggles in the context of commitment? Why does He seemingly not provide for my physical longings for you, leaving me with seemingly no answers in this area? Why does He not provide me with spiritual leadership in the form of a godly husband, or allow me to have challenging and thrilling intellectual conversations with someone I deeply care about?
Why has God not seen fit to fulfill one of the deepest longings of my soul?
This is when I look up, and remember His promises. I trust Him to satisfy my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual needs, either directly or through the Church. I ask, beg and plead - and recognize His supremacy and goodness by bringing these unmet longings to His feet. I bring the pieces of my fractured heart to Him, knowing that He is the greatest healer.
And He loves.
This is a love that fills every crevice of my longings. It makes my heart, soul, body and mind overflow. He utterly and completely satisfies.
And so I wait.
Love,
your future wife
The article below comes from shannonicole. I needed to read this in light of recent events in my life, and I hope this is helpful to you all too.
My dearest twenty-one year old girl,
This letter may come as a hurtful surprise to you, but please, keep reading. I know that right now you don’t understand boundaries between a man and a woman. You’re not even sure yet why, when and how they exist. And right now you’re naive to the fact that in friendships, emotions and pasts and physical touch can be confusing and messy and lead down hurtful roads. You’re a “guy’s girl”. We all know one—the kind of girl who thinks that most women on this earth except for her are catty and jealous and can’t be trusted.
There’s a reason why, right now, I’m referring to you as a “girl”.
There is an unhealthy balance in seeking out more friendships with the opposite sex than your own. Let’s be honest—guys and girls were made opposite sexes for a reason, and it wasn’t to just be friends. Is it possible to maintain friendships with each other? Absolutely. But we should learn our limits in those friendships, especially in those crucial teens and twenties when we are figuring out ourselves and the world around us.
Darling—no man, no matter how good of a friend he is to you, should be the one you confide in about all the turbulent places this world will take your sweet heart and mind. He cannot be your validation when your self-esteem has been challenged, and he will not be able to speak into those inherent longings inside you that only a woman would understand. Remember that who you need to be filled with is the One who made you, not the one standing in front of you.
While you are not responsible for the choice a man makes to lust, don’t intentionally drive a man in your life to do so. And if you find out he is struggling, don’t bring him down or punish him. Encourage him to seek help and show him grace.
That guy you’re talking to whose heart is wrapped up in or committed to someone else? Take a step away, love. Offering parts of yourself to someone who can’t offer anything back will only hurt you in the long run. It is not up to you to change his heart.
Be wary of what you post online and how much of yourself you’re letting the world in on for free. Those photos of yourself and the guys you’re with do not do justice to the heart beating inside of you. Think of everything you want to give your future husband and don’t give those things away to people who aren’t him. When you meet that man who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll want him to trust you with other guys and know he is getting all of you.
Now here’s one you’re really not going to want to hear— If one of you in an opposite sex friendship is dating someone, don’t spend ample time alone with each other. And don’t seek out the wrong kind of relationship advice from your opposite sex friends. You know the type—when you really only want to hear what will validate you and not what is best for everyone involved.
Love your brothers as Christ would—equally and unconditionally. Respect their hearts and the place they are in, but show the same care and give the same encouragement to all.
If one of your friends is struggling, walk with him in encouragement, love, and lack of judgment, but also direct your friend to mentors, counselors and disciplers who have the wisdom and experience to establish long-term help.
Recognize spiritual warfare in one another and pray against it. Fight for each other’s hearts in Christ.
Seek out other ladies. Surround yourself with strong women who have been there and done that, or who can speak true feminine wisdom into this season of your life. Don’t boast in “men just understanding you better.” Men and women were not created with the same hearts. Cherish the femininity in yours and find good women to share it with.
And remember that you are worth so much more than what you’ve already lost. Your God is the Father of redemption, and you are one of His delivered. Let your friendships with the men in your life reflect that always.
Love,
Yourself, four years wiser
[Because sometimes the very words we need to hear are our own]
